GOD's dearest Daughter

It is one of those last weekends, before I leave Antwerp. The bags are half packed and stand obediently in the corner of the room. The room is silent only to be woken by the music of the church bells. It's super discount sale season and it is not hard for me to picture all my friends and acquaintances pulling out clothes from heaps, trying on new shirts and standing in the row to pay their bill.

Amidst the ocean of human bodies, there might be one thinking about the girl who touched a few lives here and unruffled things around. The girl who broke the rythm of lives around. Or maybe this is just one of my distant dreams. Dreams are nothing alien to my life, infact I eat, sleep, work and literally live in a dream. They nourish my being, they are sustenance for my soul and they are the shinning lamps on the road of my life. Being poetic about the rain or just marvelling at the shinning stars doesn’t take effort. When I narrate a paragraph about the way a person makes me feel, I haven’t prewritten or rehearsed it.

Thus, I feel my decision to leave my current job wouldn’t shock those who know me well. When everything seemed enviously perfect, I gave it all to follow a cloud of dreams. A fantastic salary, pleasant colleagues, good profile, prestigious company, close friends and an adorable house, just faded into insignificance for that precise moment. It is utterly incorrect for anyone to believe that I don’t care for friends; I am reckless with my career and I am irresponsible human being with no sense of commitment. There is nothing great in following a dream but believe me, it saps the core strength out of you. Its not an applaudable act but surely a unique one in these times. For all the months I woke up and told myself, if I love my work, I don’t have to work a single day of my life. Really, I didn’t work a single day at B&S. The day my job started seeming like work, my heart asked me a simple question ‘do you want to compromise’ and the soul gave the loudest possible answer ‘NO’.

When my friends asked me what’s next, I had hundreds of answers yet no answer. I said things which seemed haphazard and weird to them. Communications, teaching, marketing, writing books and poetry are so distantly related things but to my eyes they seem like branches of one tree. What I vision in this entirely absurd combination of streams, is one wholesome dream.

The church bells are ringing and their music is seeping into my soul for long after I am gone, I will carry this along. My phone lies next to me, it’s restless and purple tea cup stands composed over the side table. In a few minutes I will be beaming on a webcam narrating tales of joys and fears, past and future to my parents. This has been the thing I did for past few months and they shall be done no more. I am just in the transition phase where my mind wanders off to unknown terrains at every moment of solitude and heart is dishing out the recipe for a brand new dream. Someone said ‘ it takes b***s to do what you did’, one said ‘f**k’!!! Many wished me luck for ftutre endeavors and a few asked'when do we see you next???'.I saw teary eyes and indifferent smiles. I experienced the high of being myself and the low of losing my friends. Among plethora of emotions I am just clinging on to FAITH. After all I am God’s Dearest Daughter.